Childfree Abby - Going To The Dogs06 May 2006Message ID: 125pa2qc298ii7f@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: My wife and I have two kids, ages 4 and 2. I have siblings, both childless, who feel the need to reprimand our kids while we are present. While we don't mind if they say: "Don't touch that fire, it will burn you" when our kids get too close to the fire pit, it's the constant overlording that really chafes my wife. Rather than play with them or talk to them (they see the kids about twice a month), they spend their time telling them: "Don't do this. Don't do that." Amy, this happens when they come to our house! Shouldn't my siblings leave the scolding to us? To be honest, our kids are pretty good. They can be loud, they can be obstinate, but so are all kids at that age. Here's the kicker: One of my siblings has a dog that rakes our nerves. It's in the latter stages of puppyhood, flying around like a scud missile. One jump could blind one of our kids. Numerous times our youngest has been knocked off her feet by the running dog. While they try to discipline the dog, it doesn't work. How can we get my siblings to stop reprimanding our kids at every turn and just enjoy the time they have with them? And how can we get them to understand that if they bring their dog over, it should stay outside, in the basement or on a leash? -- Nearly Nuts in Knoxville Dear Nearly Nuts: A big, active and jumpy adolescent dog presents a significant hazard to young children. You should explain to your siblings that you are worried that the kids will get in the dog's way and, as a result, be knocked down or bitten. Ask them what strategies they can employ to eliminate the kids' casual access to the dog. Then you can suggest the porch. When your siblings correct the kids, you can say to them, "We'll keep a close eye on the kids while you're here, so if you think they're doing something wrong, please don't tell them but tell us, because we want to know. We'll be the 'bad guys.'" Show your siblings how to encourage the kids to change directions when they're doing something "wrong". If the dog misbehaves in your presence, you should look at your closest sibling and ask, "Now what can you do so that Muffin won't jump up like that?" Throw them the bone. Any fan of "The Dog Whisperer" (I'm a huge fan) knows that "pack leaders" have to be confident, relaxed and respectful to effectively control dogs. The same goes for parenting.
Dear Nearly Nuts, Let me tell you something, parents have a real way of ignoring the obvious. If only one sibling was reprimanding your children, I would say you may have a legitimate complaint. However, both of your siblings are doing the same thing. That being the case, I put it to you that your children are somewhat more than "loud and obstinate" but rather they resemble baboons on crack. Furthermore, it seems that you and your wife are woefully ineffective when it comes to maintaining any form of control in your own home let alone anyone else's. As for "playing" with them, as I see it, your siblings are under no obligation to entertain your children. They may, perish the thought, be more interested in visiting with someone who can converse in words of more than two syllables on topics more of intellectual stimulation than "I gotta go pee." By that, my dear, I mean they may wish to visit with you rather than spend their time with your kids. Comprendo? Now, for the dog. I do agree that the children and the dog should be separated for the safety of the dog. Small children can torment a dog horribly. I recommend putting them in the basement or in a fenced yard for the duration of the visit. Either that, or request that they do not bring the dog to your house, and you can promise not to bring the kids to their home. I think that would be an amicable agreement.
Childfree Abby
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