Childfree Abby - The ABC's22 May 2006Message ID: 1273ni6a47punb1@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: I'm 36 and pregnant for the second time. My first child is about 20 months old, and my family had a nice baby shower for me last time. Recently, a family member informed me that I would not be getting a shower for this baby. She said -- and other family members agreed -- that it's one shower per woman. She said there are one or two exceptions to this rule: if you have an older child, are getting married and are planning on having a baby with someone else. Do you think this is fair? My husband and I are heading toward financial ruin and could really use the help. --Curious Dear Curious: The thinking on showers for second babies is that they aren't "necessary" because the family already has most of the baby things they need from the previous child. Your children are nicely spaced in that your first child will most likely be out of the crib right around the time the second baby needs it. The stroller, changing table and baby swing will be available, and you can reuse your baby clothes. I believe that all babies should be celebrated, but that doesn't necessarily mean having a shower where gifts are given. It sounds as if you expect gifts, and your family members have picked up on that. If you are near financial ruin, then you might have to come right out and ask your family for help, rather than hope they choose to be generous.
Dear Curious, OK, let's sum up your letter:
a) You are 36 years old, My dear, my dear, you have far worse problems than getting a new diaper genie to worry about. Of course, I do have to ask the question "how can you even contemplate having another child when you are 'facing financial ruin?'" Financial ruin is not a state of affairs that magically turns up overnight like toadstools after the rain. Financial ruin usually takes a certain amount of effort, and there are many warning signs along the way. Of course, "contemplate" may be too harsh a word as it implies that you gave the matter a degree of thought. Since:
a) at 36 years old, you are old enough to know better, and certainly knew that Count yourself as just another witless git who decides to have a baby without any forethought as to how you are going to feed it. Now, with regard to: d) the baby shower: Your family is quite correct, they are under no obligation to throw you another baby shower because you are lackwitted enough to get pregnant a second time and are too broke to afford it. As my esteemed counterpart has pointed out: you already have the necessities needed for a newborn - unless, of course, you have pawned or sold them, in which case it is still your problem. Having a shower for a second child is seen as a blatant gift-grab which in your case it is. A 50 cent condom could have nipped this in the bud.
Childfree Abby
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