As the saying goes "you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs". Likewise, no matter how carefully you phrase the invitation or how diplomatically you state it, someone is going to take "Adults Only, no children please" personally and will choose to be offended.

There is quite literally no way around this because there are some people who simply cannot understand that you simply do not want any children at all at your wedding. Accept the fact that if you put your foot down to get the wedding you want, you will be considered "Bridezilla."

The fact is, if the truth be told, no matter what their parents say, children don't want to come to weddings: they are invariably bored to tears, there is nothing for them to do except rapidly become your worst nightmare. Further, they couldn't give a crap about seeing everyone in their full bridal regalia and they have palates that have not progressed beyond chicken fingers and fries, so an expensive well-prepared meal is wasted.

How do I know this? Because, as people love to point out "I was once a kid myself". As such, I was dragged along to family weddings, and, while I would like to think I was better behaved than any number of my cousins, I can't say for a fact it was true, but I do know I was mind-bogglingly bored. I got to see many of my cousins in their wedding finery, but to be honest, it didn't make a great impression on me at the time and I would not have been irrevocably scarred if I had missed that event. If Sprogleigh isn't even out of diapers, she isn't even going to remember the event, and for the rest of them, they simply won't care.

I like the idea of having an informal barbecue at a later date; it may pacify some of them, or it may not. But I can assure you that the kids will be much happier.

However, bear this one thing in mind - it is YOUR wedding, as in "Not Theirs". You are paying for it, you are planning it, and as such you can plan the guest list. Put "Adult Ceremony and Reception" on the invitations and let the chips fall where they may. Stick to your guns - If people RSVP that the children are coming, put steel in your spine and call them back and tell them "Obviously, you have misread the invitation, there will be no children at either the ceremony or reception." If they threaten not to come then reply "I'm sorry, we will miss you."

Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/

A reader says:
And if the breeders have a reputation for ignoring even the clearest request to not bring their children, I'd suggest hiring a bouncer as well.

A good point.

What I propose is a variation on a theme - choose ushers with backbone who know the wishes of, and are in agreement with the couple. That way, should a situation arise, they can quietly and unobtrusively escort the culprits out and away before they have any chance to cause a scene and before anyone is aware of their presence. This though, as I said above, requires having people with backbone manning the doors, and it would have to be people who are not afraid of alienating anyone. On second thoughts, perhaps bouncers of a sort may not be a bad idea - two well-dressed gentlemen of imposing bearing and impeccable manners hired for the occasion who will keep undesirables from the door, for example.