Childfree Abby - Kids At Weddings13 August 2006Message ID: 12ducl6qnl3qqb4@news.supernews.com
DEAR MISS MANNERS When my daughter got married eight years ago, my brother, his wife and five children came cross-country to be at the wedding. My daughter had wanted an evening, formal reception with no children. I thought it rude, however, that after my brother's sacrifice of time and much money to be at her wedding, she would not consider having my nieces and nephews there. So, my daughter acceded to my wishes and allowed the children to attend the reception. This May, one of those children is getting married. My daughter, her husband and three children were planning to attend the wedding. Then we found out that no children are invited to the reception - because if all the children of the guests were invited, it would be chaos and expensive. These are the same reasons my daughter didn't want children at her wedding. My daughter feels the bride should do the same for her. She feels that her three children should be allowed to attend the reception simply to reciprocate the good will my daughter showed her family. GENTLE READER Your daughter had specific reasons for not wanting children at her wedding reception, and was embarrassed afterward because some were allowed and others not. So she discounts her cousin's having the same reasons, and feels that she should risk the same embarrassment. Miss Manners does not care for that argument that the bride's childhood appearance created a debt that must now be paid. If your daughter is going to plead for an exception, she would be better advised to gush to the bride about how delightful it was to have children at her wedding and reminisce about how beautiful and well mannered they were.
Gentle Reader, What hath you wrought? Eight years ago you sandbagged your daughter, probably by means of a guilt trip of monumental proportions, into doing something that she did not want to do: namely, having children at her wedding. I think it is time that you ate a large serving of crow with humble pie on the side and apologized to your daughter for not respecting her wishes eight years ago. Now your daughter feels justified in not respecting the wishes of her cousin with regard to children at her wedding. Two wrongs do not make a right. With regard to my esteemed counterpart's sage advice: we do not know if your daughter truly feels it "delightful" to have children at her wedding. We also do not know that the children were indeed "beautiful and well-mannered". I suspect - though I have no evidence - that they were quite the contrary, hence her cousin's wish for an "adults only" reception. Urge your daughter to be a better person than you were eight years ago and respect the wishes of her cousin.
Childfree Abby - respectfully
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