Childfree Abby - Your Mother Is Nutz19 August 2006Message ID: 12ee5c4pjqe51b@news.supernews.com
DEAR ELLIE: I'm 18 and had to quit school last December to get a full-time job. Luckily I can do online schooling. I had to pay 70 percent of the rent, though my mother earns more than I do. She's marrying a man she has never met, who lives in another state. We argue daily -- about my wanting to listen to opera, my indifference to her relationship, my anger that she's not doing the laundry or throwing out the garbage. I'm most angry about her kicking me out of my own place for two weeks because this guy is coming. Is that fair when I pay rent? When we discussed this, she grabbed a knife and threatened to kill herself. She always does this when she doesn't get her way. She frequently says she wishes I was never born. What should I do? -- DRIVING ME NUTS DEAR DRIVING ME NUTS: Move out, and do your own laundry. You and Mom are heading down different life paths now, and there's no joy or benefit in staying under one roof. To live independently, you can surely afford 100 percent of the rent in a smaller place. But you'll have to take your own garbage out. Your mother's relationship is her business; and since you clearly disapprove, it'd be better for you not to be on site when he visits. It's possible that your mother-son relationship will improve once you deal with each other as separate adults.
Dear Nutz, What my esteemed counterpart has failed to mention is that your mother is a raving loon. Here is a clue: sane and reasonable people do not grab knives and threaten to kill themselves. However, that said: No, it is not fair to kick you out when you are paying rent. I suppose, if you chose to pursue it, you may have some legal recourse. But consider this: Is it worth it to stay? From your letter, I would say no. My esteemed counterpart is correct, there isn't a darn thing you can do about your mother's choice of relationship. Since, it is obviously her choice to go to hell in a handbasket and there is absolutely nothing you can do except perhaps feel sorry for someone who is needy and desperate that she is pinning her hopes on some guy she has never met in person. I know I don't have to tell you that this relationship has about the same probability of survival as a snowball in hell. Watch out though, when this "experiment" implodes, your mother and all her drama will be back on your radar in spades. Since you are paying most of the rent, cut your losses and run. Get your own place, deal with your own housekeeping. I can assure you it will be more peaceful.
Childfree Abby
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