Childfree Abby - Sex Addict?08 September 2006Message ID: 12g31kiiffbfi93@news.supernews.com
Dear Annie: Over the last 12 months, I have lost 160 pounds. That's great, but the more weight I lose, the worse my live-in boyfriend becomes. It's reached the point where he cannot pass by without touching me in some inappropriate way. Even in public. We've been together five years. He constantly wants sex no matter what, and gets furious if I decline. He will even wake me up from a dead sleep. When I protest, he accuses me of having affairs. We are planning a wedding, and I have a lot on my mind and am quite busy. I don't have the energy for the amount of sex he wants. He says I wasn't like this in the beginning of our relationship, which may be true, but he has definitely turned into a sex addict. I hate it when he gets angry at me for not wanting to "perform." There are times I give in just to stop the whining, but truthfully, it makes me feel violated. I think my weight loss has caused some major insecurity for him. How do I convince him that saying "no" on occasion does not mean I love him any less? -- Marrying a Sex Addict Dear Marrying a Sex Addict: Your perception of the situation is dead-on. Your boyfriend is feeling insecure about your weight loss, and he is using sex to maintain some control over you. No wonder you feel violated. His insecurities will not be alleviated by a marriage license, so before you walk down the aisle, we strongly urge you to get couples counseling. Good luck.
Dear Marrying: First, allow me to congratulate you on losing 160 lbs. But allow me to set you straight: this issue is not about your "saying no on occasion" - it is about his insecurity and jealousy. This guy is not a "sex addict", I think he is an insecure creep and a control freak. Further, there is nothing you can do about it and this relationship is unhealthy and becoming abusive. According to your letter, the more weight you lose, the worse he gets. Now, I don't doubt that he "loves you" in whatever manner he defines love, but what I suspect isn't pretty: this guy "loved" you only because you were fat, and in his reasoning, unattractive and therefore would not leave him because no one else would want you (don't laugh, I've seen it happen). But now you have dropped 160 and his whole reasoning behind this relationship is gone, so he is trying to control you, as my esteemed counterpart said, through constant sexual demands. Therefore, it is not your weight loss that made him insecure. He was insecure long before he met you, it is just a lot more visible these days now that the weight is gone. If you think that it's bad now, it will only get worse in the future. You will spend your days with one hand massaging his dick and the other massaging his ego, and you will be fighting a battle you cannot win. No matter what you do, it will not be enough. Someone who really loves you, loves you and trusts you no matter what the packaging. So, drop this hot potato like an Aitkins dieter, and turf him out the door.
Childfree Abby
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