Childfree Abby - 'Lil Chester11 September 2006Message ID: 12gbksr8d7dlv0f@news.supernews.com
Dear Abby: I am a 28-year-old divorced man dating a wonderful 24-year-old woman. She lights up my life and is very kind to my daughter and me. I love her very much. However, there is a problem -- her 7-year-old son. Everything seemed fine at first. He got along pretty well with my 5-year-old daughter, playing and having a good time. As time went on, though, my daughter told me about strange sexual comments he made to her. At first I thought he just had a dirty mouth, as his mother lacks somewhat in the discipline department. But this is turning into a problem. My daughter recently reported that he told her he was going "to have sex with her." He has been investigated by Child Protective Services on two occasions for similar behavior around other children. So now the children are no longer allowed to be together because I refuse to have my daughter talked to like that by anyone. I have her one week on, one week off. I cannot imagine combining families at this point. It's not that I don't want to help him; it's that I need to protect my daughter. I love his mother very much, though, and feel terrible about what she's going through. Is this relationship worth working for? -- Wondering in Washington Dear Wondering, You have described a boy who appears not to understand what boundaries are, and who very likely has either been sexualized (molested) or exposed in some other way to adult sexual activity. The child needs professional help, and I hope he is receiving it. I am not sure that the children should be entirely separated. However, they should not be together unless they are supervised by an adult. Does this mean you should not marry this woman? My advice is to take a wait-and-see attitude. It's not like you are racing down the home stretch toward a finish line. The mother needs parenting classes and the boy needs therapy. If both are successful, you might have a happy life together.
Dear Wondering, I agree with my esteemed counterpart that it is blindingly obvious that somewhere along the line that boy has been molested. Child Protection services have been involved not once, but twice. Now where there is proverbial smoke, there is a proverbial fire, and it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that something here is very, very, wrong. But in order to answer your questions, a couple of others must first be answered: Is this paragon aware of what has happened to her son? No, scratch that - after being investigated twice by CPS, she has to know something has happened. What exactly is she doing about it? Not at some time in the hypothetical future, when it is likely too late, but right now. Does she recognize the problem? Does she care? Does she think it will "just go away"? Or is she so far down DeNile that Dawg himself couldn't find her with radar? If the answer is nothing, then break the relationship immediately, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00. That boy needs therapy - now. If his mother for whatever reason is not getting it for him, she is totally unfit as a parent, and I don't think all the parenting classes in the world will change that. Oh, and chew on this for a while: the probability of some "big bad stranger" coming along out of the blue to molest this boy is exceedingly slim. That means, it was someone close - her, or her family, or her friends. Getting involved with her means having them in your life too. Do you want to run that risk?
Childfree Abby
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