Childfree Abby - Piano Whines19 October 2006Message ID: 12jf090ni4eod52@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: My 11-year old cousin is an amateur musician, but his "music" consists of pounding on the piano keys as loudly as possible for hours at a time. (He's not disabled or autistic; he's just an average kid.) His piano playing becomes a problem when he and his family attend holiday gatherings at my parents' home. For the entire time his family is at our house, he is pounding on our piano, even during Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It's really obnoxious and takes away from what should be a nice family day. His parents seem to think that his musical antics indicate that he has "talent," so they take no action to limit it, even when visiting other people's homes. In fact, they often sit in the piano room and listen adoringly. They would view it as an insult if anyone asked their son to stop playing, even for a short time. We have tactfully suggested that he begin music lessons to improve his skills, but his parents think that it will "stifle his creativity" and cause him to "lose interest in his art." With Thanksgiving fast approaching, my mom and I have gone back and forth as to the appropriate way to deal with this, but we are at a loss. -- The Piano Police Dear Police: The best holiday hosts run their events with a combination of indulgence and structure. If the kids are playing football on the lawn, video games in the den or piano in the piano room, then at some point the host says, "OK, everybody -- it's time to come in and help set the table for dinner!" And if the kids get grouchy and the parents get insulted, well, then that's just too bad. Dinner is important, and people need to participate when the time comes. There should be no piano playing, football playing or video game playing during dinner, and your folks should make that clear -- cheerfully and simply. If your folks think that your cousin is too loud or worry that he might be damaging the piano, then they are going to have to ask him not to play it, just as they might ask him not to play on the family computer, even though he might play on his family's computer at home.
Dear Police While this budding maestro may not be autistic or disabled, he is suffering from a far greater handicap: his parents are blithering idiots. Contrary to what you and my esteemed counterpart seem to think, tact has already been tried and failed. Since these festivities take place in your home, lay down the law. Being a good hostess/host does not mean letting your guests and their children walk all over you. So grow a spine, set your boundaries and stick to them. You can be passive aggressive: a lot of piano keyboards have covers with locks. So cover and lock. "Oh dear.. we can't find the key." However, I prefer a far more direct approach: "Listen, whatevertheirnamesare, the piano is off limits to anyone hasn't taken lessons and knows how to treat a very expensive instrument with the respect it requires. That means Snottison will not touch it until such time as he does. We do not care if it stifles his so-called creativity, or his non-existent talent. As a matter of fact, the entire family would all count it as a blessing Snottison "loses interest in his art." If your brat gets anywhere near the piano, and you do not stop him; I will, and by any means necessary. You have been warned." The absolute worst that would happen is that these tone-deaf morons and their spawn will not attend. I feel very certain that if that were the case, the rest of the family would heave a collective sigh of relief.
Childfree Abby - with feeling
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