Childfree Abby - The Devil Wears Gucci06 November 2006Message ID: 12kukofi3ae6af@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: Several years ago I was on the receiving end of a very rough breakup of a serious relationship. I took it very, very hard. I stayed in touch with my ex for a few years, then we lost touch. I recently learned that he has relocated and is working for my aunt. She is a very high-powered lawyer who is estranged from the rest of the family -- with me as a special target. She is a Type A control freak who is always threatening to sue her family members, control situations and manipulate relationships. My ex and my aunt were living in different cities and practicing in very different areas of the law. He may have just needed a job, but her motives for hiring him must be personal. I'm not 100 percent sure, but I have reason to believe that she is setting him up on dates. My family has been "muted" in their outrage. Can you confirm that this is unusual, inappropriate and outrageous? Does it sound like my aunt is trying to spite me? -- Melissa Dear Melissa: In a rough breakup (when there are no children involved), a family's job is to stand firmly behind their family member. Your aunt should not hire an ex when she knows that it will create problems for you. But then, your aunt doesn't sound like she has much respect for family members. You have every right to judge her harshly, but don't expect the rest of your family to take this as personally as you do. Muted outrage might be the most that you can expect from them. If you feel the need to, you could contact your aunt in a very dignified and, yes, muted fashion and let her know that you don't appreciate her bringing this person back into your life -- even peripherally -- but then you need to leave it at that. I hope that you have moved on from this rough breakup, but it doesn't sound as if you have. What gives?
Dear Melissa, So your aunt hired your ex and that she is a complete and utter bitch on wheels. How exactly has she brought him back into your life? Is she dragging him to family reunions? Has she made plans to bring him home for Thanksgiving dinner? Christmas? Chanukah? What, really, does it matter that she is fixing him up on dates? With all due respect, you and this man are ancient history. Over. Fini. It is high time that you moved on and got on with your life. Whatever your aunt's motivation for hiring your ex, remember this: it will only bother you if you let it. You are in charge of your feelings, not your aunt, not your ex. If perchance your aunt has done this to spite you, and she brings up how wonderfully well "so and so" is doing, looking, whatever. Smile and say how wonderful that is and that you wish him well. Never ever let her see you blink, never let her get under your skin. If you do this, your aunt will have nothing with which to bludgeon you. I disagree with my esteemed counterpart: the situation being as it is, contacting this woman and informing her of your displeasure would be playing right into her hands, and is exactly what this Devil in Gucci wants. Let go and move on.
Childfree Abby
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