Childfree Abby - I'll Tell You Where To Stuff The Turkey!01 December 2006Message ID: 12n0llfqcq19d5e@news.supernews.com
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my in-laws. My brother-in-law will never invite his parents for Christmas, so my husband always insists we have a combined family Christmas with my parents so his parents are not left alone. The problem is my in-laws have bad-mouthed my parents in the past, and they treat my parents as if they are "less than." They also don't treat me all that great. I get into fights every year with my husband about this. This year I tried to compromise, saying I'd have the in-laws over for Christmas Eve, but my husband will not bend. He wants both families here, which means I will be uncomfortable all day. It is my Christmas, too. I know it's only one day, but why should I have to compromise and be unhappy for the rest of my life? Please help. -- DREADING CHRISTMAS IN HOWELL, MICH. DEAR DREADING CHRISTMAS: You have to compromise because, when you married your wonderful husband, you blended your family with his -- obnoxious and pretentious as they may be. You compromise because marriage IS compromise. Keep the spirits bright by keeping the atmosphere as light as possible -- and your in-laws separate from your parents. And remember that the illusion of the "perfect family" is just that -- an illusion.
Dear Dreading: My esteemed counterpart has failed to recognize that compromise is a two-way street. Your husband has to bend a little too. No one should be forced to spend <insert special holiday here > with people who do not treat them with respect. I notice that your husband has a brother, who according to your letter, will never invite his parents for Christmas. Why might that be? The obvious answer is that his parents treated him and his family the way they are treating you and yours. Unlike your husband, though, he developed enough backbone to say "enough already". However, since life is full of compromises, your husband should get on his brother's case to have them over every other year. If he doesn't want to do that or brother in law threatens to shoot them on sight, then give dear hubby a dose of his own "compromise": Inform your husband you are taking this year off and that he is now in charge of Christmas. That means he has to take care of everything: he has to bake the cookies, decorate the tree, cook the turkey and all the trimmings, do the shopping, fill the stockings, you name it. Every. little. thing. You may, if you wish, buy gifts for your parents, and children, but that is as far as it goes. You might even consider spending Christmas at your parents', sans husband and in-laws. Maybe spending a Christmas day or two alone may cause your in-laws to rethink their behaviour and improve. Granted, this isn't very likely, but we can always hope.
Childfree Abby - Seasonally
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