Childfree Abby - Someone Has Got To Make A Move Here04 December 2006Message ID: 12n8crl44a01edb@news.supernews.com
DEAR ELLIE: For eight months, I've dated a fellow who has been legally separated for two years. The couple's final arrangements were that his ex got a new house and he moved back into the old house. I've not met the family nor do they know I exist. He felt it better that they get settled -- he has three daughters ages 21, 19 and 13. During the move, his family said they'd disown him if he didn't attempt couples therapy with his ex, be a man and tough out being in the marriage again. This was a total shock to him. He says he has no interest in reconciling, but he thinks going through counseling would appease them. I think nothing would be good enough to suit them. His ex said counseling was a great idea. He has a fabulous relationship with his girls, spends a ton of time with them, and generously supports them and his ex. She works a bit from home. When he suggested she get a full-time job, he was considered a bully. He's being bombarded with guilt. - HOSTAGE'S GIRLFRIEND: DEAR HOSTAGE'S GIRLFRIEND: It may take many more months before he gets "settled." For you, eight months is long enough to know you want the next stage of a relationship. But for him, this past period was stage one of the separation from the past, not part of the future. Do not be negative about the counseling idea. It may be the best way for this couple to acknowledge they need to divorce. If you love the guy, be patient. But remember there are no guarantees how this will end.
Dear Girlfriend; This guy has been legally separated for two years. You have been seeing him for 8 months, and for all intents and purposes, his family doesn't know you exist. Let me ask you something, are you sure that you are not an extended booty call? Someone here has got to make a move, or what I will cautiously call a "relationship" will remain in a holding pattern. Someone here is deep, deep in denial, it could be him, his family, his ex, you and possibly all of the above. Bear in mind, all we have here is what he has told you and there are two sides to every story. Suffice to say, there may be considerably more to this story than what you have been told. What he tells you may have some very real basis in truth, on the other hand, he just might be lacking the testicular fortitude to be honest and straight forward to all the people involved here, including you. After two years, it is high time to get some resolution to this situation, whatever that resolution may be. As one of the pithy sayings from the province of my birth goes: "Shit or get off the pot." I agree with my esteemed counterpart; counselling may just be the ticket to break this stalemate. Also, she may well be right: this relationship may not lead where you want it to go.
Childfree Abby
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