Childfree Abby - Sticky Sticky Fingers08 December 2006Message ID: 12nj2j92qo990fc@news.supernews.com
DEAR ELLIE: I'm married to a fabulous man who has two adult children in their 30s. We've found some things missing from our home. On our first Thanksgiving together, I commented it was great to have a turkey platter. It soon went missing, and we noticed the daughter using it a year later. My Honey didn't feel it was worth worrying about. I thought it must've been her mother's. Another time, I purchased four antique, hand-blown Christmas ornaments. At Christmas, only two were left. The daughter had the same two on her tree that holiday. My Honey didn't know what to say, so I said we had the same, hoping to generate a confession. She said she'd had them for years. Recently, our daughter-in-law was copying recipes from a diet book, which the daughter wanted back. I said not to bother as I had the same book at home. I later found our copy was missing. How do we address these losses without the daughter getting her back up? My Honey doesn't want conflicts between her and me, as happened with his second wife (who's not her mother). -- COINCIDENCE OR THEFT? DEAR COINCIDENCE OR THEFT: Honey is encouraging Sticky Fingers, by his passive role. He's the one who needs to speak to the daughter, not you. As her father, he should want to clear her of suspicion. Or, if she's guilty, curb her covetous nature before she gets into worse trouble thieving outside the family. This woman may be acting out due to a need for professional help to deal with her acceptance of Daddy-Honey's several marriages. That's between them and, let's hope, a counselor, too.
Dear Theft: Accept the fact that there is no way to address this situation with the daughter without "getting her back up". It just isn't going to happen. Period. Your husband's daughter, besides the fact that she is a thief, is bound and determined to break up her father's marriage. Given your letter, that states that there were "issues" between both wife # 2 and Daughter #1, I suspect that this is why you are wife #3. Both of you have given Daughter #1 much much more than the benefit of a doubt. Your property has been stolen, and you both know by whom. "Honey" likely sees himself as "keeping the peace" when in reality, he is sitting on a powder keg and is in desperate need of a spine transplant. This does not bode well for any future that you to which you might aspire with this man. What needs to be done is that "Honey" and "Honey" alone, needs to stop dodging the issue and address these thefts with his daughter. If you do it, you will be playing right into the manipulative hands attached to those sticky fingers. Make it clear that until "Honey" has the testicular fortitude to get deal with this matter instead of avoiding it, Daughter #1 will not set foot in your home. Unless, of course, she submits to a full cavity body search upon leaving. (Kind of makes you wonder how she hid that turkey platter, doesn't it?) Will Daughter # 1 get her back up? Yes, no doubt she will. However, it is also very likely that she is pilfering from others as well. It is either that, or the police. And I would keep the police option open. If "Honey" refuses, then I would be rethinking this marriage. His wilful inaction displays in great detail exactly where you stand in this relationship.
Childfree Abby
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