Childfree Abby - Odour Of Sanctity17 January 2007Message ID: 12qse6fj45c7m6e@news.supernews.com
DEAR ELLIE: I've been dating a man who's studying to be a Catholic priest. A year ago, we were very serious and he contemplated leaving the seminary to pursue a relationship with me. We had even talked about marriage. Suddenly, he seemed to get cold feet and opted to stay in the seminary. But things aren't entirely over between us -- he phones me several times weekly, we have a regular dinner date out alone each week, and he e-mails me frequently. Several times recently, he has come over to my apartment after an evening out and just cuddled with me on the couch, saying that he's trying to make me feel better about us. Though he insists he's not going to leave the priesthood, his actions tell a different story. He's set to be ordained soon. How can I get him to see that he needs to acknowledge his feelings for me and not go on to make the biggest mistake of his life? -- SADLY CELIBATE DEAR SADLY CELIBATE: Only he can change his mind, and so far it appears that the "different story" is in your head. He has left a romantic relationship with you but retained his compassion and caring. His cuddling was for your comfort. He clearly has a calling, which is the true motivation to become a priest. Stay connected, but move on in your dating life.
Dear Celibate, I feel that I must disagree with my esteemed counterpart on this matter. If the man in question was say, an accountant, a plumber, or a computer programmer instead of someone headed for the priesthood would she say "his cuddling was for your comfort"? To be quite frank, I doubt it. Instead, if someone who said that the relationship was over kept a regular dinner date once a week, phoned several times during the week, exchanges frequent e-mails, etcetera; she would call it what I am calling this now: mixed messages. In other words: he won't pursue a relationship with you, and yet gives you enough to keep your hopes up. In my book, those actions are extremely cruel, and certainly not in your best interests. The only "biggest mistake" going on here is you waiting around. Just because someone is headed for a career in the clergy does not immediately elevate him to the realms of sainthood. This person is subject to all human passions and human weaknesses, just like everyone else. Does he have a "calling"? Maybe, maybe not, but that is up to him and no one else. I will agree with my esteemed counterpart on this: it is time to move on. I disagree with "staying connected" as I do not think that "staying connected" with this person is at all healthy for you at this point in time.
Childfree Abby
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