Childfree Abby - First, Ask The Right Question05 February 2007Message ID: 12segg7j1g99j20@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: I am a 23-year-old married woman with two children, and I feel as if my husband is my third child. I have been pondering a divorce. Even though this is not the way I would like things to go, I believe it is the best thing to do. My husband has had a problem using and abusing drugs since early in our relationship. He cheated on me while I was pregnant with our second child. Every time I go into labor, he has not been by my side -- even when I miscarried our first child. He continually lies to me. I have begun to resent him, and I believe that I am falling out of love. I know he loves our two children and me, but sometimes love isn't enough. Do you think I should stick out this marriage and wait for it to get better, or just cut my losses and make a better life for my children and me? -- Unhappy in Alaska Dear Unhappy: I'm racking my brain to think of an instance in which a marriage to a longtime drug abuser got better simply through waiting. Patience, while a virtue, is no substitute for having a backbone, giving your husband some non-negotiables in terms of his drug use, and setting some definite standards for you and the kids. You're young. Your children are just getting started in life. Take a good, hard look at your life and do what's right for your children. What's right for them will always be the right thing for you. You haven't presented one single reason to stay in this marriage -- and many compelling reasons to leave.
Dear Unhappy, My Dear, My Dear, you are asking the wrong question. Let me make this short and sweet: You are married to someone who lies, cheats, and abuses drugs. His definition of "love" is nothing with which I am familiar. Instead of asking "should I leave"? you should be asking yourself "why am I staying?"
Childfree Abby - to the point
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