Childfree Abby's Mailbag - More Than A Uterus24 February 2007Message ID: 12u0t9kqbrelh66@news.supernews.com
Dear Abby, I am a 22 year old female who's engaged to the most wonderful man. We are both decidedly childfree and are looking forward to enjoying our life together. We plan on travelling the world and living in a clean, quiet home. My problem comes in the form of my two "best friends". These girls are always trying to turn me and my fiancee against each other because they believe he's the reason I don't want children. (He's atheist while we were all raised catholic.) Abby, it infuriates me that these grown women can't stay out of my business. Why do they care that I don't want children? And why do they blame him? I've been childfree by choice for as long as I can remember. These girls are spending all their energy telling me that I'll be the greatest mom and that when they have their children they'll be sending their kids my way. No matter how many times me and my fiancee have said it, they can't get it through their heads that children will never "grace" our lives. They keep spreading rumors to everyone that he's "controlling and brainwashing" me. I can't stand it anymore and to subject my fiancee to this kind of stupidity is unfair. How can I get these girls to stop telling me what to do with my life and get them to stop spreading such hateful rumors about him? -- MORE THAN A UTERUS, BOSTON,MA
Dear More than a Uterus, This is just my opinion, but while you may have known these girls for a long time, they are not your friends - let alone your "best friends". A best friend, or for that matter any true friend at all, would be supportive of your choices. Here is something for you to consider: since they feel a need to expend so much time and energy trying to change your choices, they must not be terribly secure in their own. After all, what effect does your choice to remain childfree have on them? None whatsoever. Not that either of them will ever admit this, of course. Unless they have ironclad proof that your fiancée is a serial axe-murderer with multiple addictions, their mouths should be closed. Now, this is where you have to decide how much you really want these people in your life. In what I am about to suggest, you run the risk of ending the relationship you have with these girls. If you would rather not run this risk, then you have to give them carte blanche for this tripe to continue. If you want it to stop, you will have to put steel rods in your spinal column and deliver a smackdown of monumental proportions. You will have to lay down your wishes clearly and with no margin for error, as anything less will have no effect. This is the proverbial line in the sand. Have them over for coffee, smile sweetly as you pass them the cookies, then deliver this (here is a hint, stand up while you do so, it will put you in more of a position of authority): "I want the two of you to listen to me very carefully, as I will only say this once and only once. I will use small words so that there will be no errors in comprehension. I do not want children, I have never wanted children and I have never bothered to conceal this fact from either one of you. How So-and-So and I choose to live our lives is none of your business. If the two of you choose to be broodmares, more power to you - but count me out. Also, I wouldn't be sending your kids over to me, I would hate to have to call CPS and have you charged with child abandonment. Your slander ends here, and it ends now. If I ever hear of the two of you bad-mouthing us in any way shape or form, our friendship will be over. I will not see, speak or hear you again. There is no discussion, this topic is now closed. Now, stick to your guns. If they try to argue with you, repeat "the topic is now closed.", several times if necessary. Never discuss this with them again, and if their actions do not cease, cut all remaining ties. Get on with your childfree life, knowing that deep down, when they are drowning in a sea of shitty pampers and haven't had a conversation that uses words that have more than two syllables any time in the last 6 months, you will be the source of envy (not that they will ever admit it out loud, of course.)
Childfree Abby
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