Childfree Abby - Blood Is Thicker Than Booze10 May 2007Message ID: 1346kjelqu37nc3@news.supernews.com
Dear Annie: I am getting married soon. My mother and I have a long history of not getting along, so I was hesitant about inviting her, but I did. She seemed so excited, even going so far as having me invite her friends. But she found out there will be an open bar at the reception and invited all of her drinking buddies. I have always been embarrassed by my mother, even during my school years. Mom recently got mad at me and said awful things about my wedding. A week later, she talks as if she never made those ugly remarks. Mom is my only living relative and I would like her to give me away, but she's so unpredictable that I don't want my new in-laws meeting her. What should I do? -- In Doubt in Texas Dear Texas: You can't keep your in-laws from meeting your mother forever, so you may as well bite the bullet now. However, there's no reason you have to accommodate her drinking buddies. If they are not invited, they should not be there. If they were issued invitations, alert the bartenders to keep an eye on them. You might also assign a friend (or hire someone) to watch your mother and keep her from getting soused and causing problems. (This, too, shall pass.)
Let me begin, as I often do, by reiterating the situation as you describe it: a) You and your mother do not get along and she was, and is, an embarrassment to you. b) Without so much as a by your leave she - a drunk - has invited all of her friends, who are also drunks, to a big piss-up at your expense. c) She got angry for some gawds-alone-know reason, (and drunks can be very creative about things like that), and insulted your wedding. She then behaved like nothing happened. Of course, in her world where the sky is some unknown colour, this is perfectly natural behaviour. Now you want her to walk you down the aisle at your wedding and you couldn't trust her to walk the dog. This woman may be your "only living relative" but I must ask you the time-honoured question: "if this person were a friend of yours and she treated you the same way this woman has, would she remain a friend of yours?" Any one of the above points would be reason enough to cut ties, and this woman has all three. I put it to you that this woman has not been or ever been a mother to you. So, in essence, why are you putting yourself through all this turmoil? Grow some spine and tell your mother that of this moment, she is no longer welcome at your wedding, or in your life. If you wish, you can tell her that you will review the situation when and only when she has dried out and been sober for a year. Then, I highly recommend that you do not hold your breath. As for mother "giving you away", may I draw your attention to the fact that this is now the 21st century. This quaint custom dates from a time that women were considered chattels, and at the time of her wedding, her ownership was passed from her father to her new husband. Since slavery was abolished quite some time ago, and therefore no one "owns" you: walk yourself down the aisle. This act would be far preferable to the probable embarrassment of having your mother do it. There you go, the ball is now in her court. My esteemed counterpart seems to believe that blood is thicker than water, or at least booze, and your mother should attend. I don't feel that you should impose on one of your friends to try to keep your mother out of the sauce, though hiring someone does seem to have merit if she has to be there in the first place. I, however, feel that it is high time that your mother was taught the causal relationship between actions and the results thereof. I believe this to be a lesson that is long overdue.
Childfree Abby
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