Childfree Abby - The End Of The Road07 June 2007Message ID: 136g72rt0jgdlea@news.supernews.com
Dear Annie: "Angie" and I dated for four years, and had frank discussions about children. I knew she wanted a large family, and she knew I was almost as apprehensive as I was eager. We married last summer, and everything seemed great — until she turned 30. Now every conversation turns into her demanding an immediate attempt to have children. Actually, all our conversations are fights. Our tiny house drives her crazy. Her willful refusal to tidy up makes me nuts. She blames me for her financial anxiety, saying she never cared about budgets or credit ratings before I brought them up. She wants to be a world traveler and heavy party-girl until the day she is pregnant, while I want a more domestic lifestyle. I say we need to find ways to face our challenges together, without screaming, sobbing or saying hurtful things. I've begged her to come to counseling with me, and I've offered to pay for financial planning. She considers this stalling, when I should be stepping up and starting a family. Angie is the love of my life and the light in my eyes, but fighting with her eats away at me. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick. If the storm is nearly throwing us overboard now, how can we expect smoother sailing when our children need us constantly and we are chronically sleep-deprived? -- Trying My Best Dear Trying: You are talking apples and oranges, logic versus emotion. Of course the problems don't get easier when you have children, but if you truly felt the marriage was solid, you might not be so averse to starting a family. Frankly, you and Angie don't seem compatible anymore. Insist that she go with you for couples counseling. You need someone to help you sort through all the conflict.
Dear Trying, I think my esteemed counterpart is quite correct; your marriage has run its course. To be honest, from what you describe, I think Angie is a bit off her rocker too. Having children now would be a disaster in more ways than one. The financial issues will not go away and if Angie is suffering from anxiety now the situation will only get worse. Angie seems to wish to live in her little world, totally divorced from the realities of day to day living. The fact she "never cared about budgets or credit ratings" before you brought them up speaks volumes about how she views you. You are always the bad guy who rains on her parade by introducing this pesky thing called "reality". Contrary to what my esteemed counterpart thinks, there is a very good possibility that your aversion to starting a family might not go away if the marriage were more solid. I think you should entertain the notion that it is all right not to want children. Whatever your private feelings about having children may be, it is vitally important for you to take responsibility for your own fertility at this time. As I said earlier, I think Angie is a bit off her rocker and I can foresee Angie setting you up to be "oopsed". So, dude, hide your condoms because Angie seems to think that all the problems will go away when the stick turns blue.
Childfree Abby - logically
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