Childfree Abby - Hit the road, Jack... er, Jane01 July 2007Message ID: 138fin01nk4pm10@news.supernews.com
DEAR MARGO: After dating my girlfriend "Jill" for almost a year, we decided to move in together. It felt like a normal progression toward a greater commitment. I now have serious reservations. Jill has no respect for my things, and has no problem going through them to look for signs of my past (relationships) and grill me about them. Jill made it clear early on she does not like to talk about exes, so we don't, and I think that's good policy, generally speaking. But I never thought having had past relationships would be a problem. After she moved into my place, she began looking for old letters, pictures, cards, my address book . . . anything. I am 34 and have dated since high school, thus I have things from people I used to date, but they were in boxes or drawers, not on display. However, the fact that I had these things in my possession made her jealous and angry. She never asked me to kindly make them go away; she simply acted out of a sense of entitlement and in a very dramatic way threw everything out. Recently, an ex-girlfriend sent me a birthday card, which caused Jill to blow up. At that point, I said she had no right to be angry at me for this, and these little inquisitions about events in my life before I met her needed to end. What do you think? Should I tell her to kindly collect her things and move out? This aspect of her feels very oppressive and like a bad omen. --- PRIVACY DEPRIVED DEAR PRIV: I agree about the oppressiveness being a bad omen. The green-eyed monster has demonstrated that she needs to feel she owns you, and furthermore, wants you to go along with her let's-erase-the-past program. The good news is that one of the benefits of moving in together is that one learns stuff like this, so no divorce is necessary; only the announcement that things have not worked out, the romance is over, and you suggest, for her own good, that she work on the part of her personality that is Torquemada. --- MARGO, AFFIRMATIVELY
Dear Deprived, Your girlfriend has got some real problems: insecurity and control being the two that I see here. When Jill said she doesn't want to talk about "exes" she meant she doesn't want to talk about her exes, but it is open season on yours and every other aspect of your life. By extension, it means that she has likely made some very poor choices of her own. Here is the good news: you are not responsible for her choices. She had no right to throw out your possessions. If it were me, I would have thrown hers out then and there, and her along with them. The fact is, you don't have to live this way, and you shouldn't have to live this way. I sincerely hope that you are taking responsibility for some birth control here, otherwise you could find yourself chained for life to Godzilla. This would be hideous, not only for you as you would be dinged for child support, but for any potential child whom she would likely raise to be just as nutty as she is. Yes, by all means, tell her to pick up her toys and leave, but be careful, she is showing all the signs of being spiteful and vindictive. I suspect that since she doesn't respect your property at the best of times, you could wake up to slashed tires, or come home to a trashed house/apartment.
Abby, in agreement.
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