Holly heaved a sigh of relief as Red Dwarf finally passed back below light speed. Once more he could see stars before they passed through them,
although they would no longer be able to pass through them.
Holly watched with interest as the Doppler effect covered the
universe in spewed colours, and remembered to tell Lister it was getting
near his annual wash day.
What he fortunately did not notice was the time rip in the lower
decks of Red Dwarf, caused by their friction against the flow of time as
they had slowed down. It wouldn't have done him any good, even if he had
seen it, but at least this way, what he didn't know, he didn't have to
worry about.
The window spun through space. It had spun for a very long time, never intersecting anything except the great expanse of space. Two beings were
trapped inside, still alive because they weren't human.
But, because they weren't human, they couldn't really be
considered to be alive.
Down in the lower decks, the time distortion rippled alarmingly. Acting as a kind of gravity well in the timefield, it drew to it objects that
had been set adrift in time.
Currently, only one such object was nearby. The window crashed
into the side of Red Dwarf, melding with it seamlessly. The two beings
inside were phased back into normal space.
Red Dwarf had guests.
"Ergh," groaned Lister. "That was not nice."
"Everyone all right then?" asked Holly, appearing on the screen
in Lister's quarters.
"I think so, Holly," Lister replied. "I just saw my lunch pass
before my eyes. I ate that two hours ago."
"Naah, that's just the effect of dropping back below light
speed," said Holly. "We'll be fine, now."
Rimmer walked in, rubbing his hands. "So, Listy, ready to take
your gear out of stasis? Looks like we'll be spending the next few years
together after all."
Lister looked at him, disgusted. "I don't see what you're so
happy about. I'm not thrilled about being stuck with your ugly mush for
the rest of eternity."
"Ah, but that's the point, isn't it Lister? With you not going
into stasis, I don't get switched off. Can't get rid of me that easily, milado."
"Why? What's to stop me from going down to the Hologram
Projection Unit, and switching you off anyway?"
Rimmer opened his mouth to answer, but considered the responses.
He struggled for a moment or two to actually justify his continual presence. "You'd.. you'd.. you'd get lonely," he finally said.
"I've got the Cat, now," said Lister, smugly.
"Him? You really want to be stuck with him? Someone who thinks
women is a mythical race who wants to bestow exquisite pleasure upon him?"
"Sounds like a nice idea to me," Lister said, wistfully.
The outside walls of Red Dwarf are extremely thick, to keep out the
harsh coldness of space. But this thickness made absolutely no difference
to the being who suddenly faded into existence inside Red Dwarf. She
looked as if she had been frozen for a very long time, although there
was no ice on her, or anything. A man appeared beside her, with a
similar appearance.
Sapphire breathed out a long gasp, and shuddered. Slowly she
became aware of her surroundings, but the impact had yet to reach her.
She glanced around and saw her companion, Steel, and shook him.
"Steel," she said. "Wake up. Steel. We're free!"
Steel blinked a few times, and he stared at Sapphire without
seeing her for a moment or two. Then, he snapped into full awareness. "Sapphire," he gasped. "That was..."
"I know, Steel, but it's over now. We've finally been set free."
Steel looked at the walls of the ship, but didn't really see
them. "Can you still sense the others, Sapphire?" he asked. "They seem... distant. Where are we?"
Sapphire reached out and took a reading from one of the walls. "It's...three million years, Steel. This ship is over three million years old."
"It's a wonder that's there's any of us left at all."
"We are very far away from the earth. This ship has been continually travelling away during all that time," Sapphire continued, her eyes glowing as she took in information.
"There's...there's something wrong here. It's...it's more of a
potential of wrongness than anything actually gone wrong." Sapphire
turned her head slightly, trying to pinpoint the source of the
disturbance, when she noticed something else. "Humans, Steel. There are
humans on this vessel. At least humanoids."
"Typical," muttered Steel. "Even after three million years,
humans have still found a way to cause trouble. Come on, we'd better meet them."
Steel led the way upstairs, as only they could travel.
Lister whistled as he wheeled the rack of clothes along the corridor. He had already decided to leave Rimmer switched on, if only to have someone
to annoy as time went on, but there was no need to let him off the hook just yet.
He swung the rack around a corner, but it got jammed on something. Lister pulled it back and forth a few times, but it didn't give. Lister finally walked around it to see what the problem was, and was very surprised to see Steel holding the other end of it.
"David Lister," intoned Steel. "Tell me about any time
disturbances."
"Yer what?" asked Lister, somewhat incomprehensibly. "Who the
smeg are you? How'd you get here?"
"We do not have a lot of time," said Steel. "Tell me what's been
going on here."
"I don't know who you think you are, but I'm not going to take
any smeg from you."
"Please, tell us," said another voice. Lister was about to snap
at whoever had spoken, but then his ears told him the quality of the voice. Mainly: Female!
Lister spun, and his eyes nearly popped out.
Sapphire smiled and Lister's brain melted out his ears. "Wha... what do you want to know?" he said, his mouth moving more by instinct than conscious thought.
"Have there been any time distortions recently?" Sapphire asked
sweetly.
"Time distortions?" repeated Lister, his mind still trying to
catch up. "Well, we'll just been travelling faster than the speed of light..."
"Sapphire, they weren't supposed to be able to do that," said
Steel.
"Say, listen, you wanna go down for a drink later? Or now, even.
Hey, I've got nothin' better to do," proposed Lister.
Sapphire smiled at him, but didn't reply. Lister felt a shiver
run down his spine.
"Come on, Sapphire. We've got work to do."
"Unfortunately he's right," Sapphire said to Lister. "But we'll meet again soon."
Lister just watched as they walked away.
"What man? What woman? What are you talking about, you simple minded gimboid?" asked Rimmer.
"Look, I'm tellin' ya. These two people just came up to me and
started asking me about time distortions," said Lister, sitting on the bottom bunk.
"A woman?" said the Cat, lying on the top bunk. "A real live woman? She must be here for me. The poor creature must be delirious with desire."
"Holly, did you see anything?" Rimmer asked the face on the
screen.
"Sorry, dude," replied the ship's computer. "All my sensors are
still trying to navigate us down to reasonable speeds. It's hard enough as it is without fantasies to worry about."
"Hang on, I didn't fantasize them. They were real, man," said
Lister.
"Real or not," said the Cat, leaping gracefully to the floor.
"I've got to be looking my best. If I'm lucky, I might be ready by tomorrow. Arroowwww." Spinning on his heel in excitement, the Cat sauntered out the door.
"It's low, Steel," said Sapphire. "Very far down in the ship."
Steel led them through the lower decks of Red Dwarf. "A temporal
tear. Those aren't nice, Sapphire. It could rip this entire ship apart, and spread out through the cosmos."
"It depends how long they were above lightspeed for, Steel. If
it was only a few minutes, the tear won't be big enough."
"It was big enough to rip us out of that...." Steel paused, then
changed the subject. "Since when have humans been able to travel faster than light?"
"I think it was an accident, Steel. Continual acceleration will get you there eventually."
"What about theoretical boundaries of physics. The faster you
go, the more mass, the more energy you need." He waved his hands to indicate the sheer improbability of what happened.
"If it happened, then it happened," said Sapphire, shrugging.
"It's too late to worry about it now." She paused, her stance frozen as her head slowly turned to the right.
"What is it, Sapphire? Tell me."
"There's...there's something coming through, Steel."
"Hey, dude. Something has come up on my sensors."
"I thought you said they weren't coping properly, Holly," said
Lister.
"Trust me, if you has a rhinoceros ripping its way through your
lower intestines, you'd notice too."
Lister stopped walking through the corridors of Red Dwarf. "What?"
"There's something tearing apart this ship, Dave, and it's
coming up quickly. Have a butcher's, will ya?"
"Smeg." Running quickly, he reached one of the many lockers, and
broke out a bazookoid. "Where is it?"
"About five minutes away...no four...no three..."
"Smeg! Where's the Cat and Rimmer?"
"The Cat's using up the water supply for the next month, Rimmer's in the Drive Room."
"Get the Cat out and tell him to meet us in the Drive Room."
"What's up, bud? This better be good." The Cat entered the Drive Room wearing an exquisite dark red bathrobe, fashionable black slippers and
red shower cap. Even having just come from the shower he still looked good.
"There's something tearing its way up through the ship," said Lister.
"Where's goalpost head?"
"Cowering in the captain's room."
"I'm not cowering," Rimmer called out. "I'm considering strategy
from a more defensible location."
"What the smeg is it, bud?"
"I dunno. Something else must have come aboard with those two
people."
"It will just have to wait. I can't die with my hair wet."
"Never mind that, Cat. Here." He passe a bazookoid to the Cat.
"We've got to get ready."
A tremendous sound of wrenched and tortured metal echoed through
to the Drive Room.
"Maybe we should consider strategy with Rimmer," whispered the
Cat.
In the lower decks of the ship, a hole swirled. It shone with different colours, and pulsed at regular intervals, growing steadily larger. Through the hole could only be seen blackness.
Steel walked around it carefully, trying to evaluate its
complete deadly potential.
"Shouldn't we deal with that creature first?" Sapphire looked
upwards, along the path of destruction the creature had left.
"No. It's linked to this. If we close this, we destroy that."
"And if that creature is destroyed?"
Steel flashed a look towards Sapphire. "Then that creature's
energy would feed this, and the rip would become uncontrollable."
"We'd better hope that doesn't happen then."
"Ready?" asked Lister. He positioned his bazookoid on the main
console/table in the Drive Room, aimed at the door.
"Ready," said the Cat, grimly. Lister glanced over and saw the
Cat's bazookoid on the bank of consoles lining one wall, also aimed at the door.
A roar washed over the room, heralding the imminent arrival.
"Right. As soon as it shows, fire!"
A monstrosity surged into the room. Lister couldn't quite make
it out, the edges were blurred, but it was huge. "Now!"
Both bazookoids spat fire. Lister winced and tried not to look
directly at the creature as the plasma bolts hit home. The creature roared again, and lunged forwards.
Lister jumped back towards the captain's room, and the creature
smashed into the table. This meant that the Cat could get a side on shot, while Lister still attacked its front.
The next volley knocked the creature onto its side. Lister
grinned and moved in slightly closer.
"Come on. We hurt it!"
The Cat joined him, and together they fired at point blank
range. The bolts smashed into the creature, and the creature exploded, flinging bits of anatomy all over the room.
In the ensuing silence, Rimmer dared to step out.
"Congratulations, gentlemen. Wonderful taste in decor you have."
Lister and the Cat grinned at each other, then high fived. "Ye-heah. That'll teach smeggers not to mess with the Dwarf posse."
Below...
"Steel, get back. It's expanding!"
"Those fools! They must have-"
There wasn't time for anything more as the hole pulsed
violently, and swallowed up three decks at once. Including Sapphire and Steel.
"Hey, Holly. Count one ex-creature for the Red Dwarf Home Side," Lister
said.
Holly's image appeared on the screen. Lister frowned as it
didn't move for a minute, then it twitched, and the picture slid diagonally, before rolling, and then it vanished.
"What the smeg?"
"Hey, monkey man. The floor's glowing."
"What?" Lister looked down. The Cat was right, the floor was glowing.
"What the smeg is going on?" asked Rimmer.
Then the time rip convulsed, and the entire ship disappeared.
Lister floated in a blaze of white radiance.
it's it's time it's IT'S TIME STEEL time steel it's time IT'S PURE TIME STEEL time its pure time its steel time pure steel
Lister turned lazily, his mind blank with shock.
can can can you CAN YOU AFFECT IT SAPPHIRE affect sapphire affect pure time it's
What the smeg was going on?
it's IT'S POWERFUL STEEL powerful steel IT'S TOO POWERFUL STEEL too powerful steel can affect sapphire
Lister thought he saw something in the distance, but it was hard to tell.
powerful steel CAN YOU pure time affect powerful steel
Lister moved towards the figures. Or so he thought.
yes it's pure time YES STEEL affect time powerful sapphire BUT NOT FOR LONG sapphire steel powerful pure
"Hello?"
who's who's pure time WHO'S THERE who's powerful steel
"It's me. Lister."
IT'S A HUMAN STEEL powerful affect pure time time time
"What the smeg is going on?"
can can affect sapphire CAN IT HELP SAPPHIRE time pure affect help can
The figures were closer now. Two of them. The man and the woman he had seen before. They were spinning too, and they had their eyes shut.
pure time yes can help can human YES STEEL help affect HE CAN IMPOSE AN ORDER ON IT impose can time it's who's sapphire
"What's happening?"
human yes can affect HUMAN CONCENTRATE ON THE FLOW OF TIME impose pure help affect time
"What?"
impose human time LISTER PLEASE THINK OF HOW TIME FLOWS impose help sapphire powerful steel ONE MINUTE AFTER THE OTHER ONE SECOND AFTER
THE OTHER affect pure time affect powerful pure can help IMPOSE ORDER
can affect help it's steel
One minute after the other...? Lister obediently closed his eyes and counted. 1...2...3...knowing that when he reached sixty, that would
be a minute, 120 two minutes....
human flow powerful IT'S WORKING STEEL human help can please affect time BUT IT DOESN'T LIKE IT can help
30...31...32....
help affect human I'LL STOP IT affect powerful steel help can it's concentrate BUT YOU MUST USE THAT ORDER impose flow order second minute
58...59...60...one minute...61....
yes concentrate lister flow human time I KNOW impose help second minute I CAN TURN IT BACK NOW minute second
79...80...81...81...81...80...
Sapphire glowed blue, unseen. She affected the order imposed on time, order it didn't want. Time slowed...slowed...and reversed...backwards...backwards....
In space, with a inrushing sound, Red Dwarf reappeared.
backwards...backwards....
The hole raced back through the ship, Lister, Rimmer and the Cat reappearing in the Drive room.
backwards...backwards....
The hole rushed down to a far smaller size, Sapphire and Steel now appearing back outside it.
backwards...backwards....
The creature sprang up, plasma bolts burst from its body to enter the bazookoids.
backwards...backwards....
The creature raced back through the ship, metal repairing itself under its retreating passage.
backwards...backwards....
Sapphire and Steel walked back up through the ship, and Rimmer and the Cat refused to believe Lister.
backwards...backwards....
Steel let Lister's clothes rack go, and Lister backed away.
backwards...backwards....
Sapphire and Steel were placed back in their prison and flung away through space.
backwards...backwards....
Red Dwarf sped backward into lightspeed.
And the rip disappeared.
backwards...forwards....
Red Dwarf slowed. On its lower decks, a rip in time tried to form, but something stopped it. Something with the strength of steel.
Red Dwarf dropped below lightspeed, and Lister threw up. Again.